Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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