I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
