I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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