The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I believe in your delicious
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize