I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drake has all the answers
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
