Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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