It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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