I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
