I accidentally had phone sex last night
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
