thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
