I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize