Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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