You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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