I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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