BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
