I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
