My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
