i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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