some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
