god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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