Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
