Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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