She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
