Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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