my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My liver just had a heart attack.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
