God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
