Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
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