sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize