Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
