More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize
