clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
