WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
