Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
