i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
