Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
