all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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