you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
