If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
