The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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