And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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