definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
