Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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