your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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