I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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