i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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