it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
