Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
