I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
