I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
