shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
