I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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