those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
