I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
