At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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