the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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