I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
