I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
