it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
