Kiss
Puke
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
