The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
