Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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