Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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