Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
