Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
